We are currently in the second week of the new year of 2020 and everyone seems to be asking each other what their goals are for the year.
When I am asked, I recoil inside and give an answer that I know won’t make me too vulnerable, or potentially open me up to being misunderstood. I state that all I want is to surround myself with likeminded people on a similar trajectory to me.
This is true, however I did not give the whole truth and, the truth is we don’t need to!
While the new year seems to bring with it an added pressure to set goals and completely transform your life, it is also a time of quiet introspection.
“The cure for pain is in the pain.” ~ Rumi
I have recently received an influx of messages talking about the pressure of goal setting and how sometimes that can be extremely difficult as anxiety and depression can be overwhelming.
The thing is, that we can become stuck in a thought process that is comfortable, whether it be, “such and such causes me anxiety,” “I can’t do that I’ll become triggered,” or “it’s too overwhelming”. Doesn’t this story get tiring? It certainly did for me!
If these are some of the responses that you hear yourself utter frequently, a question to ask yourself might be… “am I too comfortable in my suffering, that I would rather stay here than try?”
If we stay in the comfort zone of struggling, we don’t need to try, which means we can never fail either. While you might feel stuck in your struggle, this thought process acts as a safety blanket that protects you from harm.
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” ~ J. K. Rowling.
Give Yourself Permission to Stop Struggling
If we look deeper within, we begin to realise that our inherent worth is entangled in our need to struggle, and our inner dialogue is something that keeps us in this repetitive thought cycle.
You were not put upon this earth to struggle, you are meant to thrive!
When we finally, after years and years of struggle give ourselves permission to thrive, the energy around what we found difficult changes and becomes easier.
Any excuses that we used to maintain our isolation is removed because we want to connect to others as we become tired of our struggle story.
So how do we break past the barriers that keep us stuck in struggle town?
There are a few things that you can do to change your inner thought process and catch the thoughts that act as a barrier to connection and stop you from achieving your goals.
Get Out of Your Own Way
Here are some tips that can help you to break down the behavioural patterns that keep you stuck on struggle street;
1. Think back on a time you most recently felt uncomfortable...
What physical sensations did it bring up for you in your body? When we acknowledge our physical manifestations of fear we become more aware of our bodily responses when we move out of our comfort zone. The more we open ourselves up to opportunities that might make us a little uncomfortable, the more we can grow.
2. Incorporate a mantra into your daily practice...
“I am fearless”, ” I have what I need to get through this”, “This is not my story now, my story is….” When we begin to visualise ourself conquering a challenge, it becomes easier to do it. This is part of the rewiring our neurological pathways to move away from a path that chooses pain, to one that chooses to prosper.
3. Listen to Reactive Responses..
Melissa Ambrosini, bestselling author of ‘Mastering Your Mean Girl’ talks about changing your negative inner mean girl thoughts, or bad boy thoughts into a positive story. Listen to your reactive responses to see if you can soften and learn from feedback or challenge and change your thoughts so that they reflect a responsible alternative. For example; if you receive feedback at work, instead of rejecting or denying it, accept it and honour it as a gift for you to achieve your fullest potential.
4. Be Present and Notice What's Around You
When we turn our attention to the world around us, it can often make our inner world seem a lot smaller and give us the perspective shift we need to move out of our own way. This tool also helps us to rewire thought processes and with repeated application can drastically transform our inner world.
5. Look Back on Your Greatest Achievements..
What have you birthed into the world that you are super proud of? Looking back on our achievements can move us away from a negative thought pattern and give some perspective and insight into what you can do when you put your mind to it!
6. Find the Reason to Move Out of Your Own Way!
Finding our ‘why’, is super powerful, because if our reason to move in a different direction is more powerful than the one that keeps us there, we can lift to new heights!
7. Try a Power Pose..
With your hands on your hips and your feet just wider than your hips strike a Superman pose! Embodying a strong pose like this for 30 seconds to a minute can drastically change our physiology, moving us out of a destructive mood.
8. Ask Yourself... What is the Best and Worst Scenario?
A question like this allows for a rationalising of thoughts, checking in with the facts. Often when ruminating we can get stuck in the trap of fabricating a story that suits us at the time.
New Year, New Pattern!
Don’t be disheartened if you haven’t taken action to think about the year ahead yet. Start now! Work through the ‘8 Steps to Get Out of Your Own Way’ and start to think about what you want to create for yourself this year!
We can’t expect to see changes by doing the same thing. If you don’t like what you have created, you can always create again!
Wishing you so much love and abundance for the year ahead.
Happy New Year!